Thursday, November 13, 2008

Up to my eyeballs in stress

Today was stressful. It started out on the wrong foot when I woke up 30 minutes late and was running around to get ready while trying to inhale a bowl of cereal (even when I'm in a hurry I need my breakfast). From the moment I walked into work, my stress level was through the roof. There were projects to revise again...and then again. A 25-page single spaced document to proof...3 times. A press release to write (haven't written one since college), a bio to write, and new copy to write for my boss. It was insane. I was able to take a 3 minute break to microwave my frozen pizza, and that was it. 

At 5:30, I went down to the gym in my office building to try to burn off some of my energy. It helped for a bit, but now that I'm home, I still feel stressed. Really stressed. And it has nothing to do with work.

As I've mentioned, I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend of almost 3 years lives in Milwaukee...I live in Chicago. Sure, it seems close enough and we see each other at least 2-3 weekends a month, but sometimes it's still hard. I have a tough time dividing up my time between my boyfriend, my college friends, my high school friends and my family.

My brother and sister and all my older cousins live in Chicago, all my high school friends live in Chicago and most of my college friends live in Chicago. They all love to plan fun things and go out a lot. And they all invite me to everything, which is great, but of course they always fall on the same nights and weekends. I never know what to do. Most free weekends I have, I go up to Milwaukee or my boyfriend comes here. And when I am here, I have to divide my time between friends and family, which gets really difficult. I feel like I am always missing out on some great moment or some great story that people tell for months afterwards. And I feel like I never get to spend quality time with anyone. I always hear, "Pam, we haven't seen you in forever!" And it's true.

I think I've been doing a really good job with juggling everything, but lately I feel like I'm going to crack. I don't know what I want anymore...

And on top of it all, I'm considering moving to Milwaukee next year...a city I swore I would never live in again (no offense to any Milwaukee people out there), but I love Chicago...or even Boston (where my boyfriend is from). It excites me to live in the same city as him again, but it scares me at how serious it all is. EVERYONE asks me if we'll get married then...and I just don't know. I'm 23! All I know is that I love him and I want to see what happens with us...we've been dating too long to just give up. I really want to try and make it work. 

Half of my friends are really supportive of the move, but the other half has told me that he should move to Chicago, end of story. 

I just don't know what to do. I feel like no matter what I choose, whether it's about weekend plans or moving to a new city, I'll be missing out on something. I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see the future. I wish I could know what would make me happy in the long run...

Ugh my stomach is in knots. I hate feeling like this.

I think I'll choose to be inspired by this tonight:

I'm off to make some hot chocolate and swoon over Pam and Jim...I loved The Office tonight. :)


Rachie said...

New to your blog and I'm hooked. I hope you don't mind my stalking you from now on out. :)

zentiment said...

Well, I'm sorry I don't really have any words of wisdom to help you out! I'm in a similar situation about my jobs as you are about moving. I just don't know which decision would be best, and I don't want to make the wrong one. My advice would be to look at the situation from all angles. Examine the opinions of your family and friends, but don't base your decision on those opinions. Talk in detail about it with your boyfriend, over and over if you have to! Go with your gut feeling. Deep down you may know the answer and just not want to face it. The decision doesn't have to be made now. Take your time with it. Good luck!