Milk jug lids and other daily obstacles

The other morning, while attempting to twist the cap back on my milk for the millionth time (see first bullet), I started wondering why it was just so darn difficult for me. Surely if the milk jug manufacturers keep producing the jugs the same way year after year, they must not be that impossible to figure out. 

So then I started thinking about other simple things that I have trouble with. You know, the everyday things that seem impossible to me (and probably only me). 

• Screwing the lid back on a milk jug. Seriously, why is it so difficult? Why won't the little nooks and crannies fit together in perfect twisted harmony? I swear, I stand there in the morning trying to screw it back on for a full 4 minutes before I give up and put it back in the fridge—with the lid halfway on. Whoops. Oddly enough, I have the same troubles with peanut butter jars. But only peanut butter jars. It boggles my mind. 

• Typing the word "license". And yes, it just took me about 3 tries to get it right there. It's just so darn tricky! And since I'm a copywriter and spend a good chunk of my day proofreading, it's a bit embarrassing. You'd be surprised how many times that word pops up on a daily basis. I guess I'm just sensitive about it. It's like a lisp for my finger. License, license, license!

• Watching a full movie on DVD. If it's on TV, yes, I'll watch the whole thing (commercials and all). But if I own the movie and physically put it in my DVD player to watch, my attention span shoots straight out the window. I either fall asleep, start playing online or leave the room. Kind of strange, really. Apparently turning on a movie turns me off.  

• Saying the word "parenthesis". That "h" trips me up every time. I always pronounced it as "pa-renT-uh-sees", and thought it was totally normal. But then my friends caught on and started poking fun at me for skipping the "h", and now I'm all paranoid about how I say it. 

• Dealing with people talking on cell phones on the bus. Yep, that's me shooting you evil looks. I have very, very low cell-phone-talker tolerance. Especially if I'm really engrossed in a book and you sit right behind me and proceed to talk loudly in my ear. Hey, lady, that's great you're going to buy a $1,200 bag (what a sin!), but I don't want to hear about it. 

• Not saying the word "like". Totally my verbal crutch. I hobble around on that sucker all the time. Pretty much every sentence I say has one of those bad boys thrown in. I, like, really can't help it. And I'm definitely not a Valley Girl. 

• Standing up straight. Ugh. I know I slouch, I wish I didn't, but it's just so darn hard to fix. I'll sit/stand up straight for a few minutes, but then I'll forget and BAM! Slouchy McSloucherson returns. I think I'm getting a tiny bit better...eh, maybe not. I'm just more aware of it now.  

• Not getting giddy when I hear Irish accents. I can't help it. Whenever I hear my favorite little accent, I get all excited—even when it's a girl. I have to fight the urge to run over and talk to them. I'm pretty sure that would make me a huge creep. 

So what about you guys—any easy, everyday things you just can't seem to do? Have any tips on how the heck to screw lids back on or secrets to standing up straight?

Hope you all had wonderful weekends! I know I did—seeing Rascal Flatts at Wrigley Field was a blast!

I heart awkward moments

Last weekend was a total blast. I was here, there and everywhere from Chicago to Milwaukee, and back again. It was tons of fun, nice and relaxing, and chock full of awkward moments, which always make for great stories. 

Moment 1:  Friday night I was out in the suburbs with my parents for my uncle's concert. A little back story: My uncle is a friar and also a bit of a musical genius. He can play tons of instruments (harp is his favorite) and he composes absolutely beautiful music. (Oddly enough, NO ONE else in my family got his talents. Total bummer.)

So we were at his concert in the theater of a nearby university, and I was standing with my parents waiting to be seated, when the usher came over to us. She was an older lady and leaned over me to get a closer look at my Mom's ticket. Suddenly, I felt her hand take a swipe at my bum. Not just an accidental graze—it was an intentional feel. 

I was a teeny bit creeped out, but decided to ignore it. 

At intermission, I walked out to the lobby and realized the same usher was staring at me. Our eyes met and she immediately walked right over to me.

"May I rub your dress?" she asked, smiling up at me.

Uh. What?

Before I could respond, she reached down and forcibly petted—no wait, more like rubbed—my thigh. 

"Oh wow! That's real madras! All those squares are actually sewn together!" she exclaimed out loud. 

Of course, I blushed and nodded and my Mom, who caught the rub down, laughed awkwardly and steered me away from her. Yikes. Who knew madras could get such a rise out of old people? Guess I better rethink my plans to wear my madras dress any time soon.

Moment 2: Saturday night I drove up to Milwaukee to pick up J at the airport. He was coming back from a school trip to Germany, which involved him taking a handful of 15-year-olds to mix, mingle and learn history with German students of the same age. It was a very cool opportunity. 

I was so excited to pick him up, so I thought I'd get there early and run in to meet him at the terminal. Unfortunately, I was running a little late and he was running a little early. I pretty much threw my Mom's car (I don't have one. Sad.) into the parking garage and ran into the airport. 

So I practically skipped in, not really looking where I'm going, and found myself smack dab in the middle of a HUGE celebration for World War II vets who went to D.C. for the first time. I had no clue what was going on—I just saw hundreds and hundreds of people dressed head to toe in red, white and blue, waving American flags like their lives depended on it. And there I was, running through the crowd in my bright purple dress, not even realizing there's an intense display of patriotism going on around me. I obliviously marched right down the ceremonial walkway the families had created, still not noticing what I was doing. And when I finally realized where I was, it was a bit too late. I felt very, very purple, very naive and very anti-American. I almost wanted to scream out "I'm Canadian!" or something. It was super awkward. And the glares I got from people? YIKES. I felt like I should grovel at the feet of a bald eagle to make it up to them.

Moment 3: I had a good time at a wake. Er, wait, that sounds bad. More like I didn't have a bad time at a wake. And it made me feel really inappropriate. Long story short, my old grade school music teacher/musical theater director passed away last week. She was a lovely woman, so lively and full of positive energy. Everyone absolutely loved her.

On Sunday, I went to the wake with my Mom. Right off the bat, she ran into her old students, including the daughters of the woman whose wake it was. So it was fun to see how they all interacted after more than 30 years, and it made me see a whole new side of my Mom. 

And then we spotted the husband of one of the daughters. He's an actor who played a pretty important role (the groom) in a certain 90s movie I LOVE about a reluctant father getting ready for his daughter's wedding. He looked exactly the same as he did back then and it made me all giddy. And then I felt weird for feeling giddy and it was vicious cycle in my head the whole time. But anyway, it really was a lovely wake...and very touching, too. 

Sidenote: I seriously need to stop listening to "Will You Be There" by Michael Jackson, from the Free Willy soundtrack. It used to be my FAVORITE song when I was 7, and now it's hitting me all over again. And I keep waiting for a whale to jump over my head or something.

Big fat writer's block and my teeny bopper junk drawer

So I've been suffering from a ginormous case of writer's block over the last few days and it's not a lot of fun, let me tell you. I have about 5 different starts to posts from last week that just kind of fizzled out. (sigh) I promise to be better soon. 

Anyway, I had a great weekend. I got to sleep in for the first time in months, went to Target, had a blast out on the town last night (which I definitely paid for this morning) and got some much needed relaxation time. And today I finally got the peanut butter chip ice cream I've been craving for weeks when I met up with Jessica from The Everyday Adventures of Me in the City. It was a ton of fun. It's so nice to meet someone who enjoys a good ice cream run as much as I do. 

In order to catch up on some of my random thoughts, I've decided to collect them into another one of my junk drawers. I'm calling this one my "teeny bopper junk drawer" because I'm still a little giddy after seeing the New Moon trailer and so my mind is in an "OMG!" kind of place.

• Could Kristen Stewart be any more awkward? My God, she made it seem like the biggest pain to be at the MTV Movie Awards. Sure, it's not the Oscars, but at least pretend to be appreciative. But she definitely got brownie points when she dropped her award and said, "Yep, I'm just about as awkward as you thought I'd be," or something like that. I'm glad she realizes how she comes across.

• I swooned at the trailer for New Moon. Why is Edward so attractive? I guess Robert Pattinson is, too...but still. Real life Rob is an odd duck.

• Loved the clip from the new Harry Potter. I can't wait to see it in July. Nerd alert: I might even go to the midnight showing because I'm that excited. Did I say might? I mean I definitely will. I did it for the last 5, so why stop now?

• Pixar's new movie "Up" is amazing. I laughed, I cried (no, more like sobbed) and then laughed some more. It not only made me appreciate the adventure in every day, but also really made me want a talking dog. It could happen. If you haven't seen it, go!

• I made pasta for dinner tonight and the directions on the back ever-so-kindly said, "Please do not overcook." I find it refreshing that the pasta company cares so much about my dining experience that they nicely tell me not to overcook the noodles. I couldn't let the packaging down, so I sat and watched those darn things cook so they came out just right.

• I feel like everyone is getting engaged lately. Yikes. Do I feel pressure? Perhaps. Does that excite me? Yes. But then again, I'm only 23 (almost 24!). I guess I better live in the same city as J before we discuss wedding bells. It sure is fun to think about though...

• My laptop gets hot. Really, really hot. As in, it literally almost burns my legs. Hm. What would cause that? It can't be good. 

Ok I'm off to bed to dream about hot vampires and ice cream and pleasant things like that. And seriously, if I don't get this darn computer off my legs in about 2 seconds, it's going to burn a hole through my pants. Happy almost June, everyone! (Woohoo, birthday month!)

My junk drawer (and an award!)

I'm really random, I'll be the first to admit it. At any given moment, my mind is jumbled with a million different thoughts about a million different things. Some make sense, but most are completely out of the blue, which can be a problem when it comes to talking with friends, telling a story or writing a post. 

So I've decided to start a feature on my blog called "My Junk Drawer." Why the name? Well, because junk drawers are filled with random odds and ends, crumbly bits, hot pink Post-Its (or maybe that's just me?), misplaced birthday candles, capless pens and a dirty old rubber band or two. Who doesn't love a junk drawer? You just never know what treasures you may find. And just like the contents of a good junk drawer, this feature is going to be completely random. Much like the thoughts fluttering about in my brain all the time.

So off we go:

• At a fabulous Memorial Day mimosa brunch, WG2 found the way to my boyfriend's heart. Apparently, all it takes to win him over is baked French toast. (Note to self: Learn to make baked French toast. OR hire WG2 to be personal Sunday morning chef.)

• If you go to a Northwoods-themed bar that has posters plastered on EVERY wall advertising the special Leinenkugel's drink of the month, you would expect the bartender to know what it is. Apparently not. He claimed not to know what a "Honey Bear" was, even though there was a sign with the "recipe" right above his head. When I told him what was in it, he said they were out of Berry Weiss, one of the two ingredients in the drink. Hm. Maybe they should take the posters down so as not to frustrate overly excited girls who fell in love with Leinenkugel's concoctions while living in Wisconsin. 

• I have way, way, way too many friends/siblings/boyfriends (well, only one of those) that are teachers. I'm so glad you only have 4/7/13/9.75 days of school left, but seriously, for the kids like me who are stuck in a 9-5 job, wilting away in a tiny cubicle, ignorance is bliss. My "school year" never ends. But if you'd like to hear how I have to account for every 15 minutes of my work day, I'd be happy to tell you all about it. It's riveting stuff.

• The season premiere of Jon and Kate + 8 was devastating. I definitely shed a tear or two. I know people have some strong opinions about the whole situation, but I don't know what to think. I literally felt like I was losing a friend when I watched last night. Yes, Kate is not very nice, especially to Jon, but I still like her. And when she started crying while talking about the future of her marriage, my heart broke for her. Though I think they are both very much share the blame, I think Jon seems to be going through some kind of midlife crisis (did you see his car? yikes). I don't know. This whole time I had been hoping that all the tabloids were lying and when the show came back, they'd be one little happy family again. Jon would get a new job, Kate would stay home more and the kids would be cute as ever. But last night it became very apparent just how bad it all is. Those poor kids...they are seriously adorable. Aaden and Alexis might be my favorite kids ever. I feel so sad for them. 

• My phone doesn't work in my apartment when it's windy or raining. What a wuss.

• One of my "secret dreams" (I have a lot of them) is to take a trip to the Ben & Jerry's factory in Vermont. Ice cream is pretty much my favorite food.

• Doing laundry is one of the most stressful things ever. Especially if it involves using washers/dryers from 1978 in the dark and creepy basement of your building. It seriously looks like the set of a horror movie and smells like a skunk (shudder). But it sure feels good when you get it all done...and come out alive.

• And last but certainly not least, I was recently given The Splash Award by the fabulous Ali from The Way I See It (thank you!) It's given to alluring, amusing, bewitching, impressive and inspiring blogs. When you receive this award, you must:

-Put the logo on your blog/post.
-Nominate up to 9 blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire you.
-Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. Let them know that they have been splashed by commenting on their blog. Remember to link to the person from whom you received your Splash Award.

-So I nominate:

The Everyday Adventures of Me in the City

And Her Heart It is in Ireland

Zenfully Me

RachieAnn.com

Working Girl

Gorgeous Footsteps in the Sand

So there you go, I'm spreading the blogging love. Hope you all have a great night!

Animated characters get me all hot and bothered

It's time I spiced this blog up a bit. 

Recently, a friend and I discussed which Disney character we found most attractive, AKA who we would say yes to if they propositioned us (ooooh so spicy). 

My answer? I'm all about Prince Eric. I'd go under the sea with him any day of the week. 

Oh God, I just blushed.

Who would you pick? Do you want to make a man out of the guy from Mulan? Have a thing for passed out princesses like Sleeping Beauty? Ready to explore a whole new world with Aladdin? You know you've thought of this before, so 'fess up.

The Toasty Posty

That's the ingenious title I came up with while WG2 and I chatted it up over a couple beers at the Cubs game last night. Our conversation had nothing to do with blogging, but I suddenly blurted out my urge to write a post. About what? I don't know. But I sure liked the title.

So I got home after the game, ran up to my apartment and flipped open my computer to write. About what? I still didn't know.

But alas, my internet was not working. Again. And no matter how many times I plugged and unplugged the ethernet cord, it just wasn't mean to be. (sigh)

So I gave up and packed for my trip to Milwaukee this weekend instead. I'm headed up after work to see my boyfriend. And this trip should be very interesting because as of 11am today, his school closed due to swine flu. Apparently 3 of the students might have it, so they closed the school for a week. A week! Can you believe it? All over the flu? Ridiculous.

Apparently he's not allowed to be in public now in case he's been exposed. Please. I'm still going up and we're still going to carry on our weekend like we normally would. I think this swine flu is out of control. It's just the flu, right? Yes, a mutated form of it, but still. All this hype is making people nutty.

And if I do end up getting the swine flu, then so be it. At least me and the people in my office will get a few days off, right?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Google's creepiness makes me laugh

I love Google. And I especially love his cute little kids Gmail and Gchat. I think they're pretty much the bees knees. How else would I get through the long days at work? They're just so much fun to play with.

But my love comes with an acceptance of the darker side of Google. Do you ever notice the sponsored links in the Gmail window? They always correspond exactly to the specific subjects of your emails. And I have to admit, I find that a little bit creepy. It's like some little Google man is watching you on your computer to see exactly what you type, and then throws some links in there that relate to your topic. Weird.

Though some of the links kind of pertain to the email, some of them are just downright random. And hilarious.

In an email chain with my boyfriend asking what I should wear to chaperone his high school prom, (Oh wait, that sounded bad. He's a teacher there and I'm his date. I'm not a cougar, no worries. He is legal, I am legal, we're all good.) the sponsored links include Pretty Dress with Sleeves and Ghetto Prom Dresses. So if I want to dress like J.Lo in the 80s, I know where to go. Thank God.

In an email informing me of a comment on my last post "Will Walk for Cupcakes", one of the links was for Chocolate Whoopie Pies. Yum. For some reason it reminds me of old people hooking up and that just isn't a pleasant thought.

An email from a friend asking for my t-shirt size came with a link for an I am McLovin T-Shirt. Sweet.

Another link in an email from my boyfriend suggested I find out Why Is My Baby Crying? The email said "Good morning" and asked how my day was going...and it was a good day. Random.

And though some links are funny, some are little disturbing, too.

In an email from my mom asking me about my plans, I got a nice little link to Jump Into the Spirit World. No thanks. 

In the same prom email with J, I got a link for Human Interaction Design. Doesn't that remind you of a geeky kid who needs to find a date to prom and instead of asking a real girl, he creates a female robot to bring with him? Yeah, I watched too much TV as a kid.

Another email notifying me of a comment on my last post had a link for Quality Walk-In Ovens. A walk-in oven? Really? That sounds horrifying. Why would someone need to walk into an oven?

And finally, in an email from Facebook letting me know I had been tagged in a photo, Google suggested I look at a Female Anatomy Photo. Great. Google thinks I'm a pervert. I'll pass, thanks.

So thank you Google for keeping me entertained...and constantly wondering where the little man is who's watching me type. 

Why yes, I was named after Pamela Anderson. How did you ever guess?

In case you just started reading my blog or learned to read recently or something, please allow me to introduce myself:

Hi! My name is Pam. Nice to meet you.

Ok, technically my name is Pamela. Pamela Lynn actually if you want to throw in my middle name. My Mom thought it sounded musical...I think it sounds like a stellar hooker name. 

No one has ever really called me Pamela. Maybe my parents once in awhile, but I've always been Pam. This guy I very, very briefly dated in college decided he wanted to only call me Pamela. But the way he said it seemed so condescending or something. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it bugged the heck out of me. 

This guy at a bar last week told me I should go my Pamela instead of Pam. He said Pam was the ugly name for an ugly girl. What an ass. The sad thing is, I've gotten that a few times. Not exactly in those terms, but one guy in a business meeting told me his daughter Pamela HATED the name Pam because it wasn't pretty. Gee, thanks a lot. Psssh, I love my name, thankyouverymuch.

Yet I find that most people usually have something to say about my name. When I introduce myself (especially in social settings), one of three comments inevitably follows:

Question 1: Oh, like Pamela Anderson?

Answer in my head: Yes, JUST like that. My parents foresaw the success of Baywatch before it was created and wanted to name me after a skankalicious, big-boobed blonde with questionable morals before she was even a "star". Really, how did you guess? It was supposed to be our little family secret... 

Real answer: Uh, no. Not at all. Haven't heard that one before.

Question 2: Is your real name Pamela?

Answer in my head: Yes, it's my real name. Where else would you get the name Pam? From Pamantha? Pamricia? Pamelamadingdong? Why would I give a fake name? And if I used Pam as my fake name, I guess I'm not very clever then. No no, when I go by an alias I prefer to go by something fun and random, like Gretchen. 

Real answer: (pause) Yeah, it's my real name. 

Question 3: That's my mom's name.

Answer in my head: (When I started college, it seemed like everyone's mom's name was Pam. I got this pretty much on a daily basis) Awesome. Just like every other middle-aged woman in America it seems. My mom's name is Kay. Want to talk about it? 

Real answer: Cool. It's a great name. (awkward laugh)

A lot of people often mishear my name as "Kim" which is always interesting to me. Hm. And in college, when everyone was drinking and trying to meet people, I introduced myself as "Pam. Like the cooking spray" so they would remember me. Yeah, I was pretty cool.

I love my name. It's different and I think that's why I like it. Plus, it's spawned some pretty random nicknames that make me laugh: Pamcakes, Pamcat, Pamelama (short for Pamelamadingdong), PamelamaPinkPajama, Pamella, Pammers, etc. They're definitely a step up from Spam, which was my nickname growing up. I despised it. 

So, that's "Pam" in a nutshell. Anyone have any fun/interesting stories about their name? 

Time for bed. This is "cooking spray" signing off!

PS: Great news—no cavities! And I got an A+ for my flossing efforts. Woohoo.

I heart Easter candy

Whoppers Robin Eggs are soooo good. I can't stop eating them. And those little sugary chocolatey Cadbury eggs? My favorite. I don't know what it is about Easter candy but I just love it. 

Ok yes, totally random post but a) my internet is being ridiculously annoying right now and keeps cutting out, b) I had to proofread for 4 and a 1/2 hours straight today and my eyes can't seem to focus and c) I need to go to bed early because I stayed up way too late last night watching Twilight. Oops.

In the mean time, I'm whipping up a couple of good posts, so stay tuned!

If my life had a soundtrack, I hope this wouldn't be it.

I had a pretty rough morning today, starting with my smoke detector alerting me that it had a low battery at 7am. It beeped once every minute and a woman's voice shouted "BATTERY LOW". It kept going off over and over and over again. With a headache from hell and very little sleep, I was ready to jump out the window. When I tried to turn it off, it went through a test and started beeping at warp speed and screaming, "WARNING! CARBON MONOXIDE! FIRE, FIRE! GET OUT NOW!" Yeah, it was awesome. I had to crawl out of my apartment and go to CVS to get a new flippin' battery. Ugh.

So I felt a bit off all day. And because of that, I'd love to do my weekend recap tomorrow, when I'm all happy Monday is over and I'm pumped to watch The Bachelor. 

But for right now, I figured it was the perfect day to figure out my life soundtrack. I found it on zentiment and thought it might be fun. I had to start it a few times because I kept getting Christmas music and it was messing me up. 

How it works:

Each “question” you have to answer with a song
1. Open your iPod/iPhone/iTunes music library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For the first question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button twice


My Life Soundtrack

Opening Credits: "All The Things I've Done" The Killers
Waking Up:   "Do You Want To" Franz Ferdinand
First Day at School:   “Ruby" Kaiser Chiefs

Falling in Love:  “Love and Memories" O.A.R.
Losing Virginity:  “Senorita" Justin Timberlake
Fight Song:          “Romeo and Juliet" Dire Straits
Breaking Up:    “Angel" Sarah Mclachlan
Matric farewell / Prom:     “Ring of Fire" Johnny Cash
Life:   “Pencil Thin Mustache" Jimmy Buffett
Mental Breakdown:   “White Shadows" Coldplay
Driving:   "Kite" U2
Flashback:   “No One" Alicia Keys
Getting Back Together:   “Dirt Off Your Shoulder" Jay-Z
Wedding:   "Push" Matchbox Twenty
Birth of Child:   “City of Blinding Lights" U2
Final Battle:     "Last Train Home" Ryan Star
Death Scene:   “Single Ladies" Beyonce

Wow, I didn't even know I had half those songs on my iPod. Matchbox Twenty as my wedding song? Really? At least I'm going out with a bang. Dying to Beyonce? Yikes. This is a really depressing soundtrack...

I think my real theme song is "Piña Colada in a Pint Glass" by Gaelic Storm. It's so...me. 

Exhibit A:
"She wants a piña colada in a pint glass...
She wants to be where the summer won’t stop,
She wants gin clear water and milk white sand,
A sunburned nose and a drink in her hand
With a pink umbrella on top."

They might as well have said "Pam" instead of "she". Plus, it's Irishy and beachy. Amazing.