Easter love and leaky eyes

Happy Easter, everyone! Hope you all had wonderful days! I did for the most part. I just got back from a very interesting time at my Grandma's house...

I had a lovely little Easter morning with my immediate family, looking through our Easter baskets (yep, we still get them), eating blueberry muffins and getting ready for church. Church was a bit long...we had to stand in the back the whole time, which is good for people watching, but not good for paying attention. Then we headed to my Grandma's, where my leaky eyes got the best of me.

Yes, leaky eyes. You know when you start to cry and then stop, but feel as if you're on the verge of tears for a while after the fact? Well maybe that's not common, but for me, it's a regular occurrence. And it is SO annoying. 

It started over brunch, when my brother unintentionally insulted me in front of a bunch of my very impressionable cousins. I was so embarrassed. While everyone else laughed it off, I felt really uncomfortable as I tried to nurse my hurt feelings. 

So I got up and mingled around for a bit, then came back and tried to shake it off. But then my Mom started motioning to me from the other room, telling me to come join her conversation with my uncle. So I ran over to see what was up and realized that they were talking about my upcoming job search/move to Milwaukee.

And that was when I started panicking. I've never had a panic attack or an anxiety attack or whatever, and maybe that wasn't what it was, but all of a sudden I got really hot and clammy, felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and felt tears well up in my eyes. 

I quietly listened and fought back tears while my uncle, in a very stern, matter-of-fact voice told me I should be prepared to be unemployed, anger my current coworkers and boss, and have an impossible time finding a job. 

It got to be too much for me. In one crazy moment, I bolted from my chair, ran upstairs and burst into tears in my Grandma's bathroom. Totally uncalled for, but I just couldn't help it.

After a few minutes, I composed myself and went back downstairs. I couldn't look my uncle in the eyes, but my Mom turned around and asked if I was okay. And that set me off again. I ran back upstairs, tears welling up again.

When I came down again, my cousin asked if I was ok...and it set me off again. (Don't you know you're NEVER supposed to ask someone if they're ok if look like they've just been crying??) It literally happened 6 times. I begged my sister to go since she was driving me home and luckily she agreed. I just couldn't stop crying. And I wasn't even upset, my eyes just had a mine of their own. I was completely mortified.  

And it wasn't really what my uncle said, it was how he said it. I think I was more shocked than anything because he's a really nice guy. I guess he felt really bad, but I didn't talk to him before I left. Between my convo with him and my brother's unkind words, I had had enough. 

I feel really bad that I let it all get to me, but I just felt so overwhelmed. Apparently my upcoming move is a much touchier subject than I realized. Yikes. 

So now I'm curled up on my couch, watching The Sound of Music and trying to get over my embarrassment. At least it was just family, right? Ugh. It's still bad. 

Betrayed by the blush

My cheeks have a flair for the dramatics.

No, no, not those cheeks. I mean the ones that everyone sees, right on my face. The ones that are always a bright, rosy red from my constant blushing.  

You see, I blush really, really easily. Normal people usually just blush when in the presence of a cute guy or when giving a speech in school. Lucky ducks. I blush when my boss asks me a question, when my Pilates instructor corrects my form, when the guy working at Panera calls my name to give me my sandwich, when someone asks me for directions on the street, when the bus driver asks me to re-swipe my bus card...the list goes on and on. 

And if that's not bad enough, when I realize I'm blushing, I only get more embarrassed. Which of course, leads to a more intense blush. So by the time the interaction is finished, my face is beet red. No, worse than that. It's like the color of an embarrassed, sunburnt tomato suffering from scarlet fever and dressed head to toe in a beet red Snuggie. 

And of course, with my mix of German, Irish and Norwegian ancestry, I'm about as pale as they come. Oh wait, sorry, I'm porcelain. That sounds much prettier...like a little doll that sits on a shelf for years collecting dust and secretly scaring the children of the house. Or not. But anyway, my nice white skin provides the perfect blushing canvas. So there's really no escaping it. 

It's amazing to me that they sell blush as make up. People actually want to look like they're constantly blushing? Hmm, yeah okay, I own some. And I wear it, too, but you probably couldn't tell. My natural blush tends to override the effect of the make up blush. Sad.

Oh and in the latest installment of "Pam Says the Darndest Things", I had a bit of an awkward and very blush-worthy moment today. 

My boss (who is very sarcastic, which always makes me nervous because I don't get sarcasm very easily) is going on vacation tomorrow so today was his last day at work for awhile. On my way out tonight, I stuck my head in his office to tell him to have a nice trip. He made some comment about how he can't wait to get sun because he's so pale. I was about to say, "Oh no you're not, your skin looks good," but then caught myself because that would sound borderline creepy. So instead, I giggled awkwardly, tripped over a couple of words and said way too excitedly (and with a kind of Popeye arm-swinging motion), "Oh you just gotta love that Vitamin D!" His response? A pity laugh. My response? A nice scarlet blush. 

And I'm supposed to be a witty copywriter. Yikes. Thank goodness for erasers and backspace buttons, that's all I can say.