Chaperoning makes it okay to be a creep

Last night at prom, I felt like I was smack dab in the middle of an MTV show. It was a little bit of Made, a whole lot of High School Stories and definitely a touch of True Life: I Live for Prom. The night was surprisingly drama-free—only one girl cried (boyfriend troubles, naturally), one couple got caught making out in the curtains, and there was an incident when a boy was spending way too much hanging out in the bathroom. Sketchy.

My night started with the following exchange: 

HS Principal: You Catholic, Pam?

Me: Yeah.

HS Principal: Good. You're going to need to go to confession after seeing these kids dance.

And for some odd reason, that got me really excited. Is that wrong? A comment like that meant there would be great stories to tell, and I was not disappointed.

The Attire—I've never seen so much orange in my entire life. Orange dresses, orange skin (Everyone was tan...totally normal for Wisconsin in May. Ha.), orange vests and orange bow-ties. I didn't know tangerine was the color of the season until last night, but now I'm very aware. Throw in all the bright yellow, hot pink, vivid purple and neon blue dresses and you've got yourself a party. I only saw one black dress and 3, yes 3, wedding dresses. A white ball gown? Might as well start playing "Here Comes the Bride". I'd say about 95% of the dresses were exactly like this:

Most of them were more than a little scandalous. Everywhere I looked there was cleavage. Yikes. Very, very different from my own prom experience 6 years ago. We were all about A-line and princess dresses. Luckily, most of the girls could totally pull it off...until they started pulling up the bottoms and tying them up to their thighs with rubber-bands. Oh dear. For a girl who grew up in a very sheltered environment, I felt like I needed to cover my eyes at times. 

The guys seemed to be loving white tuxes, which I found interesting. There must have been at least 30 guys rockin' the all white ensemble, with vests and bow-ties to match their dates' dresses. So the guys were running around in pink, purple, green, orange, yellow and turquoise vests, looking like they came straight from their shifts working at Disney World. I kept trying to find the little Mickey Mouse lanyards around their necks.

The Music—Apparently, it "sucked". Why? I have no clue. I didn't think it was so bad. I was totally grooving to the beat on the "sidelines".  There were a few too many of those "is it a slow dance or fast dance" songs. And at one point they played K-Ci and JoJo's "All My Life" which made me and J laugh out loud. I used to love that song in 7th grade. But it's definitely not cool in 2009. 

At one point one of J's students came over to complain about the music and I tried to help:

HS Girl: Ugh. This music seriously sucks.

Me: Really? Why?

HS Girl: We can't dance to this. It's all jumping. I don't want to jump. I want hip-hop. 

Me: Is there a specific song you would want? Maybe you could request it.

HS Girl: (blank stare) No. This music sucks.

Me: Oh, ok then.

But then again, this very drugged-out kid ran over and starting yelling, "I almost puked 3 times because I was dancing so hard! I love this music!" So apparently at least one kid liked it.

The Dancing—Ohhh my goodness. I didn't realize that being a chaperone required you to literally stand/sit on the side of the dance floor and watch the kids up close. I felt like a super creep as I watched all the guys grind up on the girls. So awkward. When watching it from behind, it seriously looked like the guys are doing a series of very off-rhythm squats. Almost like a drunken ballet dancer doing a plie while trying to cop a feel. The best part was when the kids discovered the mirror behind the djs and started watching themselves dance. J and I couldn't stop laughing.

The kids went nuts when the djs played "Get Buck in Here", apparently a "good" song.  Being the old lady I am, I didn't know it, but it's probably one of the dirtiest songs I've ever heard. So naturally, the kids loved it. I've never seen so many thrusts, hip sways and off-beat hip shakes in my entire life.  

I had a total blast at prom. It was so fun to see everyone all dressed up and so excited. The kids were great. I especially loved when J's students came over to meet me. They all shook my hand and said they'd heard so much about me. A few guys even asked if I was, "the famous Pam". It was so cute. And it was so fun to see J in a school setting with his students, who so clearly look up to him. 

As soon as prom was over and the kids were out of the ballroom (but not even on the buses yet), J, me and few other chaperones went straight to the bars. We proceeded to gush about the night and drink delicious martinis until bar close. It was a total blast. And while we were out, I was determined to run into Jimmy Fallon (love him) who was in Milwaukee last night. But after the most amazing flirtini ever, I forgot all about my mission. Whoops.

Oh and sorry, I didn't take any pictures. I'm pretty sure I would have been arrested if I whipped out my camera to snap a pic. It was creepy enough sitting there close and watching them dance. But I wore the black dress and it worked out perfectly. Thanks again everyone!. Woo. Prom 2009!

Google's creepiness makes me laugh

I love Google. And I especially love his cute little kids Gmail and Gchat. I think they're pretty much the bees knees. How else would I get through the long days at work? They're just so much fun to play with.

But my love comes with an acceptance of the darker side of Google. Do you ever notice the sponsored links in the Gmail window? They always correspond exactly to the specific subjects of your emails. And I have to admit, I find that a little bit creepy. It's like some little Google man is watching you on your computer to see exactly what you type, and then throws some links in there that relate to your topic. Weird.

Though some of the links kind of pertain to the email, some of them are just downright random. And hilarious.

In an email chain with my boyfriend asking what I should wear to chaperone his high school prom, (Oh wait, that sounded bad. He's a teacher there and I'm his date. I'm not a cougar, no worries. He is legal, I am legal, we're all good.) the sponsored links include Pretty Dress with Sleeves and Ghetto Prom Dresses. So if I want to dress like J.Lo in the 80s, I know where to go. Thank God.

In an email informing me of a comment on my last post "Will Walk for Cupcakes", one of the links was for Chocolate Whoopie Pies. Yum. For some reason it reminds me of old people hooking up and that just isn't a pleasant thought.

An email from a friend asking for my t-shirt size came with a link for an I am McLovin T-Shirt. Sweet.

Another link in an email from my boyfriend suggested I find out Why Is My Baby Crying? The email said "Good morning" and asked how my day was going...and it was a good day. Random.

And though some links are funny, some are little disturbing, too.

In an email from my mom asking me about my plans, I got a nice little link to Jump Into the Spirit World. No thanks. 

In the same prom email with J, I got a link for Human Interaction Design. Doesn't that remind you of a geeky kid who needs to find a date to prom and instead of asking a real girl, he creates a female robot to bring with him? Yeah, I watched too much TV as a kid.

Another email notifying me of a comment on my last post had a link for Quality Walk-In Ovens. A walk-in oven? Really? That sounds horrifying. Why would someone need to walk into an oven?

And finally, in an email from Facebook letting me know I had been tagged in a photo, Google suggested I look at a Female Anatomy Photo. Great. Google thinks I'm a pervert. I'll pass, thanks.

So thank you Google for keeping me entertained...and constantly wondering where the little man is who's watching me type. 

You ride that bike like a possessed gorilla

I decided to hit up the gym after work today in my quest to get toned before I go to Aruba (23 days!) Since I've been under the spell of this ridiculously long lasting cold that seems to be going around, I decided to take it easy and go for a little ride on a stationary bike. 

Despite my sore bum, I was having a nice time reading my book (which is so good by the way...it's "American Wife" by Curtis Sittenfeld) and enjoying the fact the no one was on the bikes around me. 

And then this wannabe-exercise-guru guy sporting a sleeveless T-shirt (ew) came over and plopped down on the bike next to me. Now there were plenty of other bikes there, but he chose the one next to me...and the mirror (which I later realized). 

So I was still pedaling away when I started to notice that this guy seemed to be going at it on his bike. He was jumping up and down, thrusting forward, grunting, breathing heavily etc.. It was really awkward. I tried to ignore him, but then I noticed him moving his arms about as if he was fist pumping. Oh yes, he was dancing. On his bike. At he gym. While looking in the mirror. And it wasn't long before he started singing along with his iPod out loud while smiling at his own reflection.  

I didn't think it could get any better until he started flexing his muscles while he danced and gyrated on the bike. I burst out laughing. Luckily, I turned away before he noticed me looking (I didn't want to give him the attention he wanted). But then  I could feel his sweaty little face turned toward mine, and could see that he was still going at it. I refused to look at him. 

He started to sing louder and was practically flailing about on his bike, begging to be noticed. He looked like some kind of possessed beefed-up gorilla. I think he was about two seconds away from pounding his fists against his chest and letting out a Tarzan-like roar. Was he trying to mate with me? It sure seemed like it. (shudder)

As I was about to burst out laughing again, my bike beeped to let me know my time was up. I quickly hopped off and made a beeline for the mats in the back room before I could laugh in front of him.

Anyway, just had to share that. I love ridiculous people. Happy almost Friday, everyone!

Weekend recap, Amish people, Golden Globes...oh my!

This girl is tired. Very, very tired. After getting about 7 hours of sleep the whole weekend, I'm definitely ready to go to bed.

Friday night was the big (little) Galway reunion. I had a blast. We braved the cold, wet snow and trudged out on our Irish pub crawl. After a few pints of Smithwick's and Stella, some bottles of Magner's and a handful of Baby G's and Car Bombs, we were loudly and excitedly (mostly on my part) reminiscing about our favorites times abroad. Throw in a few awkward moments (like an almost-fight between strange men) and a heart-to-heart at the Rock n' Roll McDonald's at 3am and you've got one hell of a night. 

The next day I had to brave the snow again (I am SO sick of winter) and made the trek to the train station. Thank God for my sweet black peace sign rain boots, which kept my feet nice and dry and relatively toasty. Let me just say that sitting on the floor of a super crowded train station with a hangover is not fun. What was fun though was when this really loud woman struck up a conversation with this sweet little Amish girl standing next to her. And please note this was right after the loud woman got pissed at someone in line and called her a snotty bitch. I believe the convo went something like this:

Loud Woman: Hey, wow, great cap! Are you like Amish?

Amish Girl: Yes, yes I am.

LW: Wow! That's so cool. I think all you Amish people are great, you know being away from society and stuff. That's awesome. 

Amish Girl smiles and nods a bit.

LW: Is this your first time in the big city? Are you totally blown away?

Amish Girl: Yes, I am on my way to visit my boyfriend.

LW: You guys can date? No way! How is that possible?

Amish Girl: Yes, he is from Kentucky.

LW: Wow, really? Can you guys really do that? Go out and meet other people like that? 

Amish Girl: Yes, yes. 

LW: How did you meet? I just admire you all much. Amish people fascinate me.

And that's when I couldn't hold my laughter anymore and I had to walk away. That poor girl. It made me shudder a bit to think how naive and obnoxious that woman was. Yikes.

The rest of the weekend was great. I finally got on the train and went to Milwaukee to hang out with my boyfriend. We went to his teacher holiday party out in the middle of Wisconsin somewhere. Have I mentioned before that he is a teacher? So anyway, that was a blast. He works with some really fun people, so he's lucky. 

Then today I came back to the 'burbs and hit up the mall with my sister. We ended up seeing Bride Wars. It was good...but not that good. I was a tad disappointed. 

So now I'm sitting here watching the Golden Globes. Was anyone else a little sad when Heath Ledger won? He definitely deserved it, but it's so tragic... Ok and seriously, it has always REALLY annoyed me when people win awards and then aren't even there to accept it. All the other nominees could come out and wave their little hands and smile, but the dope that won couldn't even show up? Hey, I understand if there was a family emergency or something, but still. If I was one of those people that didn't win, I'd be a bit upset. But then again, if I was one of those people, I'd probably be freaking out because I was in the same room with all my favorite celebs. 

I love how all those actors and actresses are so "hip" together. They all mingle and do the cheek-kisses and all that jazz. How chic. And fake. Do you ever wonder how things really are between all the celebrities? Like who really hates each other? Who is secretly in love with someone else? Who slept together in the past and tries to forget it? I do. I mean look at Angelina tonight, she looked pissed. And Steve Carrell always looks really sad at award shows. I wonder what it's all about. I bet it's crazy drama sometimes. But that might just be me.

Are you selling me a scarf or a cheesy line from a romance novel?

My name is Pam and I'm a copywriter.

Ok, ok...a junior copywriter. I prefer not to mention the "junior" part. It makes me sound like a girl scout in training or something. But you have to start somewhere, right? And copywriting is what I love to do. It's my realistic dream job. (My REAL dream job would be to be the next Samantha Brown...it could happen).

And to those outside of the world of advertising, my job lets me play with words all day. I brainstorm, come up with concepts, create headlines and teasers, write body copy in ads, etc. It's a blast. And clearly it has altered my ability to write in complete sentences. After writing in the ad world all day, I tend to write conversationally. Short, choppy and easy to read.

As I've learned in my 1 and a 1/2 years in the profession, it can be very difficult to make really, really uninteresting things sound interesting...irresistible...something everyone wants. I've had to do it for everything from insurance policies and cell phones to tractors and eye-glass cutting machinery. It can seem nearly impossible, but I've learned there are always ways to make the product "pop", no matter how mundane it may seem. All you need is a little time and a lot of imagination.

So today was a slow day at work and I decided to spend some time virtual window shopping. I was perusing the Old Navy web site, looking up scarves on sale, when my eyes caught the little box of copy in the upper right hand corner of the page. Naturally, I had to read it. And this is what it said:

As soft and romantic as a lover's whisper, this gossamer light knit scarf adds enchanting texture to any ensemble.

Seriously, that's what it said. I laughed out loud. A lover's whisper? REALLY?

So of course I had to keep reading. And some of the descriptions absolutely amazed me:

Ruby slippers might have been de rigueur for Oz but neither the wily Wizard nor the Wicked Witch will stop you from easin' on down the Yellow Brick Road in style with our shiny, patent polished ballet flats.

Long on looks and short on sass, this fleece hoodie dress gives her an effortlessly stylish base on which to build her own personal fashion statement. Accessorize appropriately.

You've been waiting for these. Just so you could catch yourself in the mirror and think how cute they are on your feet, and how happy they make you. Soft, chenille, fuzzy slippers make everyone happy.

Everything from cars and computers to sodas and DVDs are getting upgrades, so why not flip-flops? Meet the Old Navy Flip-Flop 2.0. It's got the same great style and value, only with new bells-and-whistles, like improved materials and enhanced comfort.

Even in the dead of winter, your boxers will have plenty of life left in them, thanks to bright seasonal patterns and durable double-stitched cotton that keeps its shape after repeated washings.

Tehehee life in the boxers. Very sneaky, Old Navy copywriter. Have you ever heard $3 flip flops sound so jazzy? Or a pair of ballet flats sound so bewitching?

It's copy like this, though a tad cheesy, that makes me appreciate my career even more. Sure, people may laugh at a detailed description of the psychological lift you get as you wear your Old Navy slippers, but I love the fact that the writers were able to come up with that many ways to describe every article of clothing on the web site. Each one is different...it's amazing. It must be quite difficult to come up with different ways to say "comfy long-sleeve t-shirt" or "silver flats". So cheers to you, Old Navy copywriters. Your work is hilarious...and a bit inspiring, too.


Sidenote: I just finished the fourth and final book in the Twilight series. AMAZING. If you haven't read it, you need to. Now.