Monday, January 26, 2009

I'm as athletic as The Hills is real

So, not so much.

As I was working my little bum off on the elliptical this evening, I contemplated why I didn't do it more often. And then I remembered that I don't like it. 

I'm not one of those people who look "cute" when they work out. I don't think it's fun or feels good. It makes me feel gross—like a giant, sweaty, heavy-breathing exercise monster. And to top it off (and this is going to sound so sexy, I know), I'm allergic to my own sweat. So that means by the end, I'm covered head to toe (face included) in hives. It's SO hot, let me tell you.

So while I do love Pilates and can tolerate the occasional elliptical excursion, I do not like working out. My whole family LOVES to run. Not me. I'm pretty much the exercise-despising black sheep. Perhaps it's because my two years doing crew in high school nearly did me in or maybe it's because I've never been athletic. Ever.

Growing up, I tried pretty much every sport there is:

Crew—I loved crew. The feeling of being in the boat, cutting through the crisp, clean water ahead...amazing. But the land work on the erg? It was my hell. The second year I was on the team,  we got a new coach who wouldn't let us stop running/erging/rowing until we all puked. Being on the team was no longer fun—it was like a punishment. I was sad when I decided not to stay on the team after my second year, but I know I made the right decision for me.

Tennis—Tried it when I was 7. I lied and said I was 8 to be with my best friend. We were kicked out of class repeatedly because we used to goof off and laugh too much. Yeah, I was a total badass. Too bad my Mom was really in to tennis at the time...I think she's still a bit ashamed of me for getting kicked out. Oops.

Basketball—I played 3rd grade through 6th grade. I was absolutely terrible. In 5th and 6th grade when we were finally "competitive", I probably played a total of 2 minutes for BOTH years. My friend and I used to be "bench buddies" and had a great time cheering for our team. Then the coach realized she was actually good and played her all the time. And I was alone and bored and still bad at basketball, so I stopped playing.

Soccer—I played when I was 5. I was the little girl who spaced out, sat in the grass and picked dandelions. I used to like it when people got hurt (terrible, I know) because that meant I got to sit down and resume my flower picking. How dare the ref blow his whistle and interrupt me! I was making necklaces, you jerk!

Indoor Soccer—Yep, I even tried this one year. I played in one game only and accidentally scored two goals. My crush at the time (and all through grade school actually) gave me a high five and I nearly melted. But in the immortal words of Clueless, I wasn't into activities where "balls fly at my nose", so I stopped after one season

Gymanstics—HA. I did it for a year when I was 6...and I still couldn't figure out how the hell to do a cartwheel. I just wanted to jump in the flippin' pit of foam blocks, like any other normal, uncoordinated kid.

Volleyball—I loved it. I played 6th through 8th grade and I really thought it was my sport. When I got to high school, I was so pumped to try out for it. I just knew I'd make the team. But when it came to the last day, I was cut. CUT. Out of all the girls who tried out, only two of us were cut. The other unfortunate girl was a chubby know-it-all who arrived late everyday clutching a greasy Burger King bag and would sit in the stands and eat it before she worked out. Needless to say, I was devastated.

So while I know running and working out numerous times a week is the "right" thing to do, it takes extra effort for me to get motivated. At least now that I love Pilates (and the occasional chunk of time on the elliptical), I'm more in shape than I was last year. And I'm hopefully one step closer to having my Aruba-ready beach bod. Ha.

 And if you ever see me in the gym, please don't stare at the hives on my face. I already know how sexy they are.


Rachie said...

That certainly is a lot of sports. I only did a hand full and didn't care for any other them really. Since you're allergic to your own sweat maybe you should try swimming?

and her heart it is in ireland said...

While I love sports, I am nowhere near an athletic superstar (but I still do them, I'm just the awk kid in the back tripping over her feet) but I am totally like you i sweat and turn BRIGHT red, and over here the Irish women at the gym come in like designer and don't sweat or mess up their hair. And I don't get covered in hives, but when I get super hot (usually only in the summer) once I stop running or playing, I sneeze for about 10 minutes. It was crazy in HS during halftime of field hockey games, I would sneeze the entire halftime, and be fine as soon as I started playing again.

YOU ROWED! Amazing! There is nothing like being out on the water. I miss it so much. I coxed for 4 years in college, and wow, that coach sounds psycho! The erg is never fun, and luckily I worked out with the girls when I could, but it wasn't mandatory, but I did miss working out so I liked to.

d said...

i didn't know one's sweat could cause an allergic reaction! seriously, that's kind of biologically amazing.

i was a soccer guy, myself.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Holy crap, how is it possible to be allergic to your own sweat?

Cheryl said...

Basketball is the worst. I had to join the Basketball team when I was in elementary school, and this really mean and obese girl pretty much just ran me over with the ball. I didn't even stand a chance.

PS, Pilates is AWESOME. As is yoga ;)

zentiment said...

That's horrible. Lol. I love exercising as long as it's a good exercise. Running, is the worst exercise ever. But I've been trying to motivate myself to do it because gym memberships are too expensive and there's none close to my house or work. I like tennis, or softball, basketball. Anything thats more fun that the gruesome dullness that is almost any other type of exercise!

Megkathleen said...

I'm the same way. I try so hard to be one of those people who love to exercise, but I am just not. I guess I'll just have to be grateful I'm not allergic to my sweat.

Bayjb said...

I don't judge on the gym look because I look like a heavy breathing, sweaty animal. No joke.