Thursday, February 19, 2009

Words from a One Drink Wonder

Last night I went out for tapas and sangria with some of my friends. We had a fabulous time, but I accidentally drank a little too much. And by too much, I mean I had like 3 glasses of sangria. I am a total One Drink Wonder. One beer gets me buzzed. One glass of wine gets me drunk. One margarita makes me dance...A LOT (and not well). The only time I ever really had a decent tolerance was when I was in Ireland. Over there I drank Stella and Bulmers like they were going out of style. 

So anyway, I got home last night around 9:15 and was completely zonked. I immediately felt inspired to write a blog post, so I sat down at my computer and started typing away. Except I really had no point and no idea where I was going with the post. So I decided to take a break, threw on my super comfy Snuggie, put on Top Chef...and passed out. I fell into a deep, deep, deep sleep. 

I blame the Snuggie. It's just too damn snuggley and fuzzy. It's snuzzy.

So I woke up 4 hours later, rushed to get ready for bed and after chugging a gallon of water, I fell back to sleep. When I woke up this morning, I read over the attempted blog post and laughed out loud. I have no idea where I was going with it, but I thought I'd post it for you anyway:

Title: Sangria Tingles

After a lovely tapas dinner and two liters of fruitylicious sangria, my friend and I hit up the grocery store to pick up a few things. Corrrecton: She had to pick up a few things. I just stood there swaying in the breeze, giggling at the toilet paper and staring at the sparkly floor tiles. Did I mention that only two of us split the two liters of sangria? And that red wine gets me drunker than...ok well, really drunk. I can't even think of a metaphor right now. My mind keeps going to some kind of Dumbo/LSD reference, but that just doesn't seem right.

And besides, I'm super anti-drug. I mean, seriously, I was a finalist in the D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) essay contest at my grade school. How cool (and lame) am I? I got to read my super cool anti-drug essay in front of the whole school. Too bad 80% of my grade school classmates were/are addicted to drugs at some point. Way to go, kids. I actually don't talk to anyone from my grade school anymore...is that weird? I feel like I'm missing a chunk of my life sometimes.

Annnnnyway. As we were leaving out, this tall, skinny, bundled-up homeless man call out to us. He kept saying, "Miss, miss, please help me, I'm homeless."

Ok so yes, I felt bad, but we just kind of shuffled by him to the car. I get weird about that stuff...I just don't know what's real or not.

So as we walked by him, a guy came out of the store. The homeless man started chanting at him and the random man just said, "Oh man, the UFOs are going to get us! It's all the UFOs!"

The guy then walked by us, pointed right at us and said, "I hope you stay middle class."

Then he started mumbling about UFOs again and walked quickly toward his little Jetta. Yes, Jetta. How odd.


And that was where I stopped writing. I just found it amusing and thought you might, too. That grocery store thing really happened last night, but now it just feels like a dream. Weird.

6 comments:

Rachie said...

Bwhahahahaha! Oh man. Drunken blogging is the best! I'm glad you shared that with us.

Cheryl said...

Hey! You're a coherent drunk blogger also!!

I mean, coherent like yewe etnt thwpe lihaye tish, not coherent like.. you have a point.

Well actually your story had a point:The UFOs are coming.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

And the phrase up there is supposed to say "you don't type like this".

erin - heart in ireland said...

thank you for making my morning :)

and sangria = fabulous. when i was in spain i had large amounts with lunch each day. and yea, i hate that i no longer have a tolerance after like 3 drinks i'm drunky.

And your drunk writing skills are great, mine honestly are hilarious. One of my favourite emails was one I sent to my ex when we were still together I would send him an email every night, and one of my drunker ones is barely readable!

zentiment said...

Haha. Great story. I have possibly a stupid question. What the hell is tapas? There's a bunch of tapas places in SF and the boyfriends best friend works at one, but I have no idea what it is!

James said...

Love your blog! I nominated you for an award, get it on my blog!

Bayjb said...

I LOVE the one drink wonder line. That is so me! Well maybe I'm a two drinker but I had three glasses of champagne last night and was BUZZED